#ExploreNconquer2017

For the past 3 years, I developed the habit of creating a hashtag for the year. I formulate it days or weeks before a new year begins as I reflect on what I want to happen next. 2017 is about exploring and conquering. I must say, I lived with this hashtag all year round.

Explore2017.
Places, field of endeavor, food and feelings. I guess, I have explored a lot this year compared to other years of my existence.

Places. I have been to some wonderful places in and out of the country this 2017. My first out-of-the country trip for a vacation happened in June when I had the opportunity to visit Hongkong and China with two of my best friends. Actually, the place was secondary because the main objective was to see my best friend whom I have not seen for ages. 

During this trip, I have learned so much about myself and how I handle unexpected situations. I am not as composed as I thought I am. I can still be grumpy and eventually disappointed. Nevertheless, I have learned from that experience the importance of time management and companionship. Indeed, travelling isn't always about the destination. It is more of what you have become along the way.

Locally, Mararison Island, Antique captured my heart. The place is lovely and the people stood out. The warmth and welcoming atmosphere were truly one of a kind. Not to mention the laid back way of living that they still practice in the island. The mountains, the sea, the wind,  the sunrise, and sunset they make this island an ideal place to relax and let go of things beyond control.


Field of Endeavor. To my surprise, I was assigned at the emergency room when I signed a contract with a local institution. Little did people know, that despite of my experiences, I dread ER exposure. Not only because it is fast-paced, but also due to the fact that it entails a lot of knowledge and expertise for one to function well. But, who am I to back down to a challenge? This is one field I would love to explore.

I started with a lot of nerves to hide under my sleeve. Came in and went out without being noticed. Worked in an 8-hour shift for the soul purpose of finishing it. Performed my duties as best as I can. But one day, I have realized that this is not the way that it should be. This is not what the books that I have read taught me. This is not being productive. This is not exploring and conquering and maximizing the chance that is being given to me.

Little by little, I gained friends, I expressed myself, I knew and understood the people I work with. It became a start of something new. I began to love what I do and start to serve with a smile - a slogan that the institution that I work with is trying to instill to its workers - serve.with.a. Smile.

I thank God for the friends, sisters and brothers that I met in the field. I admit, I am not the friendliest- type, I stay low key, but I am glad to have met a few who have embraced me for who I am. Indeed, angels don't always spread their wings nor put their halo on, they only often wear a smile and an open arm. :)

Food. I mean seafoods! How addicted I am to these sea produce this year. Red meat does not look appealing to me lately. Though I still eat them, but seafoods are heaven. The unlimited scallops at Isla de Higantes is heaven. The fresh fish and its salty taste of the islands is something to remember. The cheesy, enticing, mouth-watering baked oysters make most of my day. 

Having a try of a community's local delicacy is a great way to explore it. This year, I have developed the habit of trying and tasting something new. It doesn't hurt after all. 

Feelings. So much has been said about this in my previous posts. Looking at it, I can say that this blog has been an outlet for me to express my feelings and thoughts. This year, I seldom wrote an article, and if I do, it's for another person - for a fee or as a favor. I did not lose the passion for writing, and never will I. 

Maybe, I have been happy and contented most of the time this year exploring and conquering that I find it unnecessary to document what is happening.

As Sean O'connell has said in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, "Beautiful things don't ask for attention".

Conquer2017.

Heights. Limits. Fears. Unknown. For some, they are easy trails, but for me, they are something deserving of a tap at my back while telling myself, 'you're doing well, dex."

Heights. Mt. Napulak comes to mind when I think about conquering greater heights. I am always a nature lover, but believe it or not, I have a little to no experience in mountain hiking. This year, along with a few friends and workmates, we conquered the 1200+ MASL of this prominent mountain in Igbaras, Iloilo. The length of the trail isn't like a walk in the park, but I definitely enjoyed every twist and turn, everything about that day. 

Limits. Life and work in another country had taught me to stay strictly on a budget. Starve yourself if you need to, minimize generosity and say no if you have to. These are the habits that I have learned to master in the past few years. I was so focused on achieving my financial goals that I forgot the importance of generosity and touching lives.

This year, I pushed my limits. On my birthday, I became "irrationally generous". In one of the talks at The Feast, the preacher once explained the advantages of being irrationally generous at times and it hit me. So on my birthday, I ticked an item off the bucket list - I shared with the children and carers of an orphanage some of my blessings this year. I know, they felt happy receiving those but little did they know that they had touched my life more than they could imagine. Felt right! 

Fears. I always reflect the strong and independent woman personality. I keep my head up. I stand my ground. I do what other people thought I cannot. But fears never leave me. I often wear a mask due to the fear of  not being accepted. I maintain a low profile so people would not notice my flaws. 

I can say, that this year, I have conquered a part of it. I am becoming more expressive and straightforward in my dealings. I have realized, there is no reason living in fears at this point in my life. I have enough of pleasing other people and keeping with the norm.

I am just glad that as I open myself and let go of my fears, there are people who are willing to back me up and carry me whenever I need a hand. That's what truly matters - those who love you despite of things that you are not.

Unknown. This is one topic that I am still contemplating on. How will I explain this? How and what do I conquer in the unknown.

First, let me explain my idea of the unknown. The unknown is something that has not happened to me in the past. It might have occurred in other people, but first hand experience is undocumented. It is a feeling or an emotion I have never felt I can experience, or things or gestures I never thought I am capable of.

Real love was unknown to me in the past. It is late this year that I surely felt it - at the most unexpected scenario, event, and person. Indeed, everything comes at the right time. Mine happened when I was tired of waiting and searching. He came when all I was thinking was a fun and laughter with my best friends.

Conquering the unknown just suits it. Like "OMG! I didn't have a clue!" upto, "Oh! So that explains!". :D 

I just hope and pray that as I conquer all of these, I won't hit my head very hard on the ground. I am ready for the fall, the traps and the detours, but at the same time I am looking forward to many wondrous things that will evolve out of me now that I am done with #exploreNconquer2017.

Next chapter: #GoOrNoGo2018

Not Just Another Day

Today marks an end, a beginning for some matters.
Today is no other day for you, but for me, it's a new chapter.
Today is just another sunny, humid day, a stroke in the sun, a part of history.
Today is no ordinary day. It's my 30th birthday.

Maybe, others don't see it as I do.
It's 24 hours of reflection and saying things that true.
It's a moment of truth of who really knows me.
The time of the year when I get to count one to thirty.




I guess, it's a big of a deal for reasons I'm counting on.
I am no youth, a real adult out of fandom.
I am thirty and living with uncertainty.
But believe me, I work for stability.

In all aspects I am uncertain
Love, career, family, monetary not forgotten.

This is madness, but I'm not creeping on it.

For I know, life will take me where I truly fit.

Today I ask for strength and faith,
That I may see the good and great.
Today I am asking for happiness and peace,
That I may search for brightness and genuinely find this.




Today, I claim blessings from the Almighty
Always provide for me and for my family.
Never to retreat in keeping us safe and healthy,
To love and grow in love individually.

Today I pray for love- love that lingers and stays
For attention that is undivided
For appreciation, for true love to go my way.
I pray for the one, the one that don't get away.

This is not just another Wednesday
This is my 30th birthday
This is the day I thank everyone
Moreover, all praises to the One.

The All Sentimental Why

I've always believed that life's why has a valid because. At some point, it's a bit hard to understand and fathom everything that is happening at the moment.
It will crush you, beat you, make you cry and burst into sadness. It will burden you, make you feel down - a mess, and turn you into a lonely, lifeless individual walking in a vast planet. 

Why me? Of all people?
Why do I have to go through all these?
Why is it happening again?
Why am I in this situation?
Why am I feeling this way?
Why do people do this to me?
Why can't I be happy just like everybody else?

If you come to think deeper, in every question thrown is an honest to goodness answer that we (or I) often don't want to accept. We (or I) are blinded with the faults and the why's that consumes us with negative thoughts for a while
.
I guess, at some point, we have to dig deeper into the situation we are currently facing. We don't have to look for all the because in all the why's but at least, think outside the box.

Why me, of all people?

Why not? I mean, those who are burdened are molded. Trust the process and sooner or later, you'll realize that what you're going through is actually what you need in order to become a better version of you. Why you of all people? It's because you have the potential to come out of it alive. Trust Him. You are delicately picked.

Why do I have to go through all these?

A lot of us likes to use this question as if we carry all the burdens in the world. When in fact, what we're going through is a tiny itsy bitsy polka dot in a pool of mishaps. You may be beaten and bombarded with heartaches, bills, deadlines, and things not going your way. But that is not "all". There are passed reports, reconnected friends, good news, beautiful sunrise and sunsets, and a whole lot more. The burdens aren't everything that you should focus on.

Why is it happening again?

Come to think of it. If the same thing happens to you twice. Is it because you have not learned anything on the first encounter? After all, things happening again is an obvious reminder that you must be missing something - a lesson, an idea, a strategy, or let's say, a coping mechanism. So the next time you feel like having a dejavu, examine yourself, don't feel so down and cry all night. Think of what the situation might be teaching you. There must be something to learn from it. Just look somewhere else this time.

Why am I in this situation?

Train your mind to see the good in any situation. This is what speakers tell us. So I guess, despite the misfortunes, there is something good that will come out with it. You are in an unfavorable situation because you are in it. The odds aren't always in your favor, but you can always change your perspective on things. You are in that specific situation for a reason. It might not be as clear as the waters of the river, but just like the river it will eventually change its course. It. Will. Pass.

Why am I feeling this way?

Feelings are subjective. Faced with the same situation, two people will have different feelings about it. You are feeling down, depressed, not in the mood because you choose to. You feel how you feel at that moment because, at some point, you choose the degrading part over breathing in and out and showing up like a real warrior. Don't be too consumed with the downfall. Don't be too engrossed with the burdens. Don't make the situation your blanket of excuses. Feel the pain, but don't embrace it for a long time. It's toxic.

Why do people do this to me?

Everybody's unique. What might be good for you might cause something degrading to another human being. Your happiness might not mean the happiness of another. People do what they think might be better for them, even at some point, at the expense of another party. And what's worse, they might not be aware that what they're doing is exactly what will kill you from the inside. So yes, people do what they do. So, as a part of a world where only the strong survives - remove the toxic people in your life and let go of the hurt. It's easier said than done, but it will pay off sooner or later.

Why can't I be happy just like everybody else?

Everybody else has different levels of feeling and emotions at different stages of their lives. Most people might look happy and free on their social media post, but that is not the whole story. Some are just experts in hiding their true emotions. Some are genuinely happy. Some are just showing up for no reasons. You can be happy just like everybody else if you choose to. The burdens might not disappear all of a sudden if you choose to think positive. But perspective will change the momentum.

These are the questions I ask myself,too. I have my fair share of mishaps, misfortunes, misadventures. I get hurt, I stumble, I feel down. Honestly, I sometimes don't know how to approach it, especially when what you're given are false hopes. Nevertheless, I choose to live life like how I picture it out to be.

Go out when you're feeling down. Do something worthwhile. Meet new friends. Have less expectations. And please, don't put meaning in every action done. People are people. Change is inevitable. Expect the unexpected. Love yourself. Live your Life. Do not depend your happiness in an external factor. Happiness starts within. Choose to be happy. Choose you. Love you.