Relax! Trust Him More!

There comes a point in our lives when we get tired of waiting. We simply can't contain the frustration and depression that we feel because of unwanted circumstances. We tell ourselves, we can do this, this is all part of growing up. But the uneasy feeling never disappears. It lingers. It crawls into our deepest core and slowly reaps us of our strength. 

From that day onwards, we see only the negatives, the odds not siding our favor. We begin to entertain the heaviness and the little bad stuffs we encounter each day. We focus on the minor misfortunes and consider it as something we deserve. We compare ourselves to other people and we feel self-pity in the process. We hope we are in a different world, in a different situation, in a far different emotion. 

When all of these negativities sink in, we isolate ourselves and count the never ending misfortunes we have while feeling jealous of other people's success. We question "why?".
Why is this happening to me? Why am I placed in an uncomfortable situation where I can't control the outcome? Why do I have to experience lost, brokenness, self-pity, loneliness, emptiness? Why me, of all people? When all I wanted is a peaceful, harmonious life of love and laughter? Does the Big Man up there really think I am strong enough to handle this? Doesn't the world know that I am just a woman - fragile and weak? 

In moments of sorrow and deep frustration, it is very easy and comforting to cry our hearts out and blurt the big "why". We tend to cry in our bed in the darkest of the night. In the midst of silence, we question and find no answer. Still, we choose to embrace this uneasy feeling because we are left with no clue on what to do next.

Why is this happening to me? says our mind and heart. After some time we tell ourselves, we made this conscious decision and now, we're facing the consequence. We choose this over the most appropriate thing to do from the very beginning, and this is the outcome. This is the result of what we thought was okay, although we know it wasn't right.
Why am I placed in an uncomfortable situation where I can't control the outcome?, you ask. When in the first place you had the freedom to go right or left, to hand in the right when you did the wrong, to conform to the norm or keep your values, to live peacefully and avoid complications. You chose otherwise. 

Why do I have to experience losing, brokenness, self-pity, loneliness, emptiness? I am sure, you're not the only person asking this same question. You are not alone, but you feel the other way simply because of a person who does not acknowledge the beauty in you. You have a choice not to feel all these, but you continue to choose otherwise.

It doesn't get easier as days pass by. That heaviness stays, it grows wild and uncontrollable. There you are, left in misery without any company. You embrace and caress the emotion with both hands, feel it with your heart and cry it out.

Despite this, hopefully, hopefully, a day will come when you realize your worth. Hopefully, a day will come when you don't feel the emptiness anymore. Hopefully, the day will come when you feel more worthy of a better future. Hopefully, the big day will come when you'll realize that this is all happening for a reason. Hopefully, one day, you get to get up, show up, and put off the masks you used to wear. Hopefully, one day, you get to believe in love again, seize life one more time, and trust Him more.

Relax! Trust Him More!