I Still Thank God For You

I can still see your facial expression, your voice when I read your old messages. I can still picture the lines of your face, that giggle you usually do when you throw jokes at me. I can still feel your touch, gentle on my chin, tilting my face to yours. Your gentle tap on my thigh when you're driving and I'm making fun of you. 

No one ever made me feel that way.

I always wanted to be in control, always wanted to be someone independent—a woman to be reckoned with. But you trespassed through that wall. You saw the strong, but sensitive woman who wanted to be loved.

And I did love you.

You taught me how to let go, to put my mask down. You taught me how to show my emotions. You taught me that letting someone in isn’t terrible, even if it doesn’t end up the way you planned.

You taught me that love is seriously a no joke, that you may get your heart broken.

You taught me that sometimes we love and not loved in return, but it is something greater than any other feeling.

Today, I thought about you. About the time that’s passed, about the hours and street signs and highways that once carried us to nowhere. I thought about your laugh, how it annoyed me. I thought about your kisses, so tender on my forehead. The place I loved it the most.

You were everything I wanted, for a moment. I presume you did,too. But that moment didn’t stretch into forever.

Maybe God didn’t want you to be my forever person. And I’ve accepted it now. I understand. Sometimes, people come and leave. They don't stay long no matter how much we wanted.

Sometimes it aches, the fact that you’re gone.
But I still thank Him for sending you to me.

See, God always has a bigger picture in mind. He knew that our lives would be blessed by one another’s kiss. He knew that I would fall, and get hurt in the process. He let it happen for a reason.

All the time that I am feeling broken, He was teaching me a lesson.

I’m thankful that He gave me you. That He allowed this to happen to me, even if that man isn’t the one I’ll marry. I’m thankful for the lessons I learned in loving and taking risks. That you can’t change people, can’t change their hearts. That sometimes timing is everything. And that sometimes you run out of second chances, and that’s okay.

Time and space will still always heal.

I’m thankful God gave me you—you imperfect, flawed, insensitive, wonderfully complicated being. 

Maybe we weren’t right for each other. Maybe we would have fought for different opinions and issues. Maybe we would have separated and parted in the process.

I don’t know the answers, but I’m trusting in God nonetheless.

We are apart, not singing to the same song, no longer sharing the same road. But I’ve come to understand that this is a part of life, a part of loving.

I believe that He has plans for us, for you, for me. Separately.

Even though I’m not sure what will happen now, where I will go, who I will love, or if I will ever cross paths with the right one, I know that things happen for a reason. And they happen according to His plan.

And no matter how much our lives will change, I’ll never look back on us with regret. God gave me you, gave me love, gave me our little temporary forever. And for that, I’ll always be thankful. 

I still thank God for you.