A few days ago, I had one of the most spontaneous trip with two of the most logical people I know. With what I am going through since December of last year, that was exactly what I needed to shed some light in my clouded sky.
Our conversations happened with neither any influence of alcohol nor partying, it actually just occurred one evening. While the breeze was cool, the moon was in its most beautiful shape, in the midst of the sound of running river water, and the soft voices of some locals. It was a perfect night to get drunk and wasted, but we opted for pancit canton, kikiam and squid balls, instead. It was the best decision ever.
I cannot remember exactly how our conversations started. I personally wanted not to mention about what I am going through for I want to forget. But of course, interesting topics branches out to different directions. And I know, the people I am here with only wanted to help and enlighten me. They know my story from the very beginning, what else is there to hide. It was not a one- sided talk actually, what made it interesting was that our topics change like the free-flowing river in front of us.
That conversation led me to so many realizations. One, that I may feel all alone for the one that I thought I only have chose to leave for another, but God will always guide me to the right people who will make me realize it is not the end. It was never easy to accept, I am still in the process; But I am thankful to these people for guiding me while I walk in the valley of darkness and heartaches.
Secondly, that night, I’ve come to realize that by being myself I have made an impact to the people around me; so why change for someone who decides to leave when things becomes an inconvenience. I am who I am for a reason. At times, I just have to be reminded that I am not what I think I am because of what happened or because of what one person said. That night, I realized the red flags were always there, I was just too blinded to see them with naked eyes.
That same night also reminded me that I am simpler than I thought. I am not a party person, I actually prefer small circles, and long, real, genuine talks. Surprisingly, that night, we did not express our thoughts loudly nor laugh at the top of our voice, we just conversed softly and slowly like 3 mature individuals who don’t take ourselves seriously despite of what is going on inside us. It was indeed a night of pouring our hearts out.
That night was also about me realizing it is not the end but actually the beginning of more possibilities. These people emphasized to me that I deserve to be in a better state. I am not saying I got the better side of the coin because it is actually not the case. What I’ve realized is that I don’t have to settle for what is there, nor blame myself for what was gone, but I have to exactly know what is aligned with my visions and goals. I don’t know what will happen next. What I know is He led me to this, He will guide me through this.
I am not saying that one conversation will change everything all at once. But just like the most spoken prayer that says, ‘give us each day our daily bread’, those words were exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment.
Indeed, at times, one single act can change the course of our actions. For me, that was my turning point. From here, I will move forward along with the lessons of this chapter. I will not close my door to any possibilities but one thing is certain, from this time onwards, I will prioritize self love. Thanks to that one night.
DJSoratorio
Feb 19 2022
(Me in the midst of confusions, never ending questions and self- doubt)
(That one night happened on 17th of February 2022.)
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