Exact opposites

 Maybe we’re not really meant to be.

We’re exact opposites to begin with.

Maybe, we started at the wrong foot.

Maybe, we were not supposed to happen actually.

 

I vow for healthy stuffs, you have your vices.

It was a subject of argument but was eventually accepted.

You like to be the center of a crowd, I prefer my small circle.

Either way, we go where we are free to endeavor.

 

You limit me getting close with my boy friends, but I heard gossips about you and other girls.

I clinched about this, you react.

We can’t make both ends meet in this matter.

From time to time, this issue comes out of nowhere.

 

I want to spend most of my time with you, you think I’m being too clingy and dependent.

You were honest of your whereabouts, I tell whenever I’m asked.

I need reassurance, you said you don’t always love the person every day.

I say the words first, and at times, there was no reply. But you blurt them out on occasions, I must say.

 

I tolerated every red flags from the beginning.

I kept a deaf ear for years of negative comments.

I believed you’re not what they say.

I stood by what we have day by day.

 

Then the big fight came, all I asked was for you to reassure me and protect us.

But what you did is the opposite to my surprise.

You thought you’re doing nothing wrong, so you continued and played the game.

I blamed myself still for saying the words and for not weighing in.

 

I felt sorry and said sorry many times.

I pleaded and almost knelt if we spoke face to face.

We tried, you said, to salvage the relp.

Though, I can’t clearly see where it was tried to be saved.

 

When all we did was fight and throw harsh words.

Still, I explained, you did what you did.

Still, I asked for a chance, I asked for us.

Every word went to deaf ears and hardened heart up to the lasts.

 

Sadly, or maybe, it was more convenient  to find a new one than resurrect the old flame.

Maybe, we are really opposites, that when I knew the truth I wanted us back.

But you already had someone that made us three in the game.

You said I did betray you about certain matters I lack.

 

I said we can still make this if we both work for it.

We tried, yes you said we tried, but a fall back awaits, that’s the prob.

Now, I am shattered with pain and aching heart.

Still, I don’t want to let you go for a part of me still says we can make a new start.

 

A big part of you is already with someone else, just roughly a month after this all started.

That was fast, but you said you informed me ahead and I agreed.

That was fast, but you said you don’t want to hurt her again because of me.

That was fast for me, but I guess you needed that.

 

I cannot understand, my heart refuses to give up.

I cannot understand, why all of a sudden these are all happening.

I cannot understand, and maybe will never will.

But one thing I’m certain, what we had was true. I sacrificed a lot just like you.

 

I refuse to believe this is our final outcome.

The emotions and feelings are still as strong as day one.

I still wish and pray we can start all over and forget the now.

 If only there is just you and me in the picture, and our vow.

 

Now, I don’t know if I should stay hoping or let you be.

My mind says another thing, my heart says otherwise.

Me novice in love that’s what they say.

What I know is, I/ we committed together four years ago to stay.

 

I did wrong, you did wrong.

But it seems I’m the only one being blamed for what’s happening.

I don’t know how you do it, but I’m almost battered now.

I suffer while you go your merry way.

 

Maybe this is just a detour in our story, just maybe.

Too early to say but might be too late to save what could be.

I wish I am as strong as you, I wish I am as decisive as you, I wish I move on as quickly as you.

I wish we’re not exact opposites so I would know what to do.

But all things said and done, I still love us, I still love you.

 

 

DJSoratorio

08Feb2022

(at the verge of giving up)